What do you think about this prologue?

purple baby clothing  What do you think about this prologue?


A full moon loomed over a forest in the dark night and a figure flashed quickly in the shadows of the dark woods, sprinting to her destination. Her black cloak blending in, her hood pulled up so no one can see the emotion on her gorgeous and young face. She stopped running as she leaned against a tree, catching her breath in raspy gaps. Her white nightgown clanged to her sweaty body and her light brown hair pressed against her neck. Suddenly, something went in her arms. The two-year-ancient baby remained silent as she watched her mother with brown eyes that screamed heartbreak and terror. The baby girl’s hand snaked out of her purple and blue blanket and reached her hand out to touch her face.
The young mother smiled sadly down at her daughter as she felt her daughter’s small hand on her cheek. Tears started to dwell in her eyes and whispered, “Todo va a estar bien, mi niña.” All of a sudden, her medallion started to glow in a bright light and from a distance; she heard mad voices and dogs barking.
Quickly, the woman pushed herself away from the tree and started running again, going quicker and quicker as she darted in between trees. The voices faded but she did not stop. She knew if she kept running, her daughter would be safe. The mother’s face brightened when she spotted a bright white light meaning she was closer to her destination than expected. But, dark figures appeared a few feet away from her, causing her to stop abruptly. She turned around and saw more of them gaining up on her.
“No se llevara,” The mother hissed at the men in their dark clothing and ran a different direction, pushing past her limit in running until she finished up on the edge a cliff of a waterfall.
“Nowhere to run mi reina.” A middle-aged man laughed, holding out his sword.
“Give us the child.” Another man ordered and the group behind him agreed.
She did not say anything as she backed away from them, her feet closer to the edge of the cliff. She stared at the men’s sharp weapons in their hands; they would do anything to get her daughter. She lifted her head up as the dark clouds disappeared from the sky and the full moon appeared once more. The medallion glowed once more but this time, the mother place her necklace around her daughter’s small neck. She stared at her child in her arms, her brown eyes memorizing her mother’s beauty. Without a second thought, the young mother clutched her baby closed to her chest, her heart beating quicker by the second and allowed herself to fall backwards.

“Todo va a estar bien, mi niña.” means “Everything is going to be okay, my girl.”
“No se llevara,” means “You will not take her.”
“mi reina” means “my queen”


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Comments

By Magnolia Sparrow-Bane-Torres on November 23rd, 2011 at 4:58 pm

A few grammar errors like clanged should be clung and such but it is very fascinating and got my attention. If it were a book and all I read was that, I would certainly keep reading.

Absoultely INCREDIBLE!!! It keeps me on toes wondering what is going to happen next. Keep up the excellent work!

 

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